


Merry Christmas, Darling

by RottenKidNextDoor (PortalofWords)



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, College AU, Ex-Boyfriends AU, M/M, background Malvie, carlos is awkward and nervous, christmas reunion, he also misses jay, jay is feeling kind of down, kinda cheesy but that's how we like it, lots of cursing and implied sexy times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-26
Updated: 2018-12-26
Packaged: 2019-09-27 13:07:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17162510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PortalofWords/pseuds/RottenKidNextDoor
Summary: "Holidays were for reuniting. People came home. People understood that their friends and family had looked forward to seeing them and would be crushed by a simple text to a group chat that exam studies were just too intense and they wouldn’t make it home."orJay and Carlos tried to avoid the long distance relationship thing when they went off to separate colleges. Turns out being single for the holidays is no easy feat.





	Merry Christmas, Darling

**Author's Note:**

  * For [XZeroQueen](https://archiveofourown.org/users/XZeroQueen/gifts).



> Merry Christmas to everyone who celebrates! Here's my secret santa contribution! Enjoy!

The spiked eggnog tasted pretty good.

Mostly because the liquor contents in Jay’s glass way overpowered the actual holiday drink.

That night, the weather was less “sparkling snowflakes” and more “biting frost”, but he found himself on the front porch anyway, staring out at the neighbors’ Christmas display across the street. The lights blinked and glowed in the frigid darkness. To anyone else, the indoors would’ve seemed incredibly inviting - with the warm lights spilling out of the windows, followed closely by the sounds of laughter and classic Christmas carols playing on that record player someone had gotten during a gift exchange several years ago. Evie’s Annual Christmas Party was in full swing.

Except Jay didn’t feel like laughing or socializing, and how could he listen to Christmas Carols when the same person who gifted Mal that record player was now a hundred miles away doing who knew what?

_What would Carlos be doing right now?_ Jay thought, taking another sip and letting the alcohol warm his insides.  _He’s probably already decorated one of those strange, lopsided shelf trees that he always picks._

His boyfriend always insisted on picking the one tree no one ever wanted, arguing that it deserved to be dressed up and brought home for Christmas just as much as any of the other perfect trees. (“The misfits were valid too”, he’d always say. “I’m a misfit, and you like me, remember?”)

Oh, Jay remembered alright. Especially now that the correct title for Carlos was technically ex-boyfriend. Even four months after their split, he still caught himself forgetting. This time, he would blame it on the drinks. 

Somewhere in the distance, a dog barked - answered shortly by another dog. The conversation went on for awhile, each dog exchanging a few yips and an occasional howl from behind their separate fences, and Jay wondered how long he’d been sitting out there. So far, no one had come to look for him, which meant that he either hadn’t been gone long or that they were all too drunk to notice. Probably the latter.

Not that he really wanted them to come looking for him. Tonight, he was okay being kind of lonely because his only other option was pretending - and that wasn’t any better. Evie liked to say that Christmas and loneliness really didn’t belong in the same sentence, and maybe she was right. But people grew up. People changed. People got offered different scholarships to different schools and drifted apart.

_I bet he’s studying tonight, the nerd_ , Jay thought before he could stop himself. In years past, he’d told Carlos to put down the books and enjoy life before it flashed before his eyes while he was staring at some derived equations or scientific theories. But this Christmas, Carlos was probably curled up his dorm room bed or somewhere in a corner, cuddling his dog and sipping hot chocolate, while studying the very same subjects he’d helped tutor Jay in not that long ago. And usually, Jay would choose a party over any night spent studying. But right at that moment? He’d choose the second option without a backward glance. It was kind of pathetic what he’d reduced himself to these days.

The noises of the night interrupted his wallowing thoughts once more. A few houses down, a car had honked and now, the sounds of ecstatic greetings and “Merry Christmas” echoed up and down the block. Family or friends come into town, no doubt.  Everyone reuniting and coming together again. Because that’s what happened during the holidays. People came home. People reunited. People understood that their friends and family had looked forward to seeing them over the holidays and would be crushed and disappointed by a simple text to a group chat that exam studies were just too intense and they wouldn’t make it home.

_It’s not his fault_ , a voice in Jay’s head reminded.

Jay really didn’t want to resent Carlos for not wanting to come home for the holidays. All of his texts (however sparingly and usually sent to Mal or Evie) were filled with glowing reports about school and classes and life on campus. He’d been among of the select five percent of the country that were admitted, so Jay figured the place was probably equivalent to heaven or something. Who needed to come home when you had all the world at your fingertips?

“Yo,” came a voice behind him, sounding only slightly tipsy. “Jay, are you done feeling sorry for yourself yet? Uma’s about to open her gift and trust me, you won’t wanna miss it. I got her a stuffed shrimp; she’s gonna fucking strangle me.”

Without turning around, Jay took another sip of his drink. “I’m not feeling sorry for myself.”

“Oh,” Mal snorted. “My bad. I guess I mistook your sad slumped shoulders and sitting outside of a dope party in the dark drinking alone for self pity. Forgive me.”  

“Fuck you.” Jay wasn’t in the mood for her sarcasm.

“Look.” The wooden porch boards creaked under footsteps as Mal walked over and sat down next to him. “I get it. I miss him too. But this is ridiculous, Jay. All your friends are inside. And I’m sorry, but you gotta man up and stop letting him get to you.”

“He’s not getting to me.” Another sip.

“Really?” The purple-haired girl raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “Because every time you lie, you take another swig of alcohol, so…”

“Mal, I’m not in the fucking mood for your bullshit!” Jay slammed his fist down on the ground suddenly, but the other girl didn’t even flinch. In fact, she looked as though she might be grinning in the dim light.

“Yeah, at least get mad,” she laughed. “Getting mad is at least less pitiful than downing glass after glass of - what is that? spiked eggnog? - and moping around.”

“He didn’t come home,” Jay spat. “He didn’t come home! That’s that! So why would I go inside, huh? What’s the point of going inside, Mal, tell me. I already poured two drinks today out of habit, thinking I was getting one for him, but no. He’s a million miles away changing the world or whatever.”

“Let me guess?” Mal folded her arms. “You drank his glass, too?”

“Can you listen and be helpful for like five seconds?” Jay asked angrily. “Do you really have to be a snarky, sarcastic bitch every second of your life?”

“Always have, always will be.” Despite her answer, Mal stared at him closer. “If you miss him so much, why don’t you just call him? It’s not like you two ended badly.”

“I’m not gonna call him.” Jay shook his head, even though it was something he’d nearly done quite a few times. “It’s just pathetic. He hasn’t called me.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Mal groaned. “You really think Carlos de Vil is gonna pick up the phone and call you first? The kid who would rather run himself into the ground rather than ask for help?”

“Yeah, well, that’s his loss then.”

“You guys didn’t leave it on these terms, if I recall,” Mal prodded, taking Jay’s glass and stealing a sip. He didn’t really care. “You said you still liked each other, but with both of you at separate colleges, you thought it best that you have some freedom -”

“ - to explore other options, yeah, got it, thanks, Mal,” Jay finished with an angry exhale. “We didn’t want to rush into anything, make anything to serious, especially long distance.”

“You could’ve gone with him,” Mal reminded helpfully, (even though Jay didn’t find it helpful at all). It was something that kept him up at night these days. “He asked you several times. What? Do you think you chose wrong?”

“They weren’t offering me a tourney scholarship to any of the colleges up there,” Jay shrugged. “He got a full-ride to the best university in the world. And I’m stuck here.”

“Oh, please,” Mal snorted. “You’re going to a fine school with a pretty good tourney program. The only reason you’re not over-the-moon is because he’s not here.”

“I didn’t ask you to analyze my damn life.” The words came out bitter and colder than the night air.

“Well, you don’t usually sit around and drink a huge glass of self pity, so sue me,” the girl shot back. “Look, I understand, you feel like being bitchy. Don’t let me stop you.”

“Wasn’t gonna.”

A thick silence fell between them. Jay knew it wasn’t fair to lash out at Mal, but he also didn’t really care. He knew she’d understand; he’d helped her through countless breakups where the roles were definitely reversed.

“Last year, the Jay I knew wasn’t afraid of anything.”

And Jay positively growled. “Why are you out here? Last time I checked, the party was in there!”

“Because I happen to care about you, asshole.” Mal shook her head. “And I wanted to warn you that Uma is giving everyone pictures of their exes for Christmas, so… maybe don’t open her gift for awhile.”

“Great.” If Jay hadn’t been recently singled, he would’ve probably found the whole thing hilarious. Actually, if he’d been recently singled by anyone but Carlos he would’ve thought it funny. Usually break-ups didn’t hit him anywhere near this hard. “Is it least a good picture of him?”

“I swear to fucking -forget I said anything!”

They sat on the steps for awhile longer. Jay figured that at this point, Carlos had probably gone to bed. Or maybe he was up watching those cheesy Christmas movies on the hallmark channel. Maybe he was wearing those horrible striped pajamas that Harry had gotten everyone a few years back that everyone had somehow “lost” except the white-haired boy.

After awhile, Jay let out a long exhale, a puff of white breath trailing out into the freezing air.  “I think I’m gonna head out,” he sighed.

“You aren’t driving home, are you?” Mal eyed the empty glass on the step beside them.”

“Nah.” Jay shook his head. “I’ll walk. Pick up my car tomorrow. As shitty as this night has been, I would rather like to stay alive, you know?”

“Mmm, that’s a relief,” she replied dryly. “Listen, Jay -” Her face scrunched a little. “I know feelings aren’t really my jam, but I’m pretty sure you can’t just drink them away. And I don’t want to see you try. Either call him or move on. Got it? Try and go on some other dates. Meet some other people. Like you both promised that you would.”

“Yeah.” He spun one of his rings around for a moment. “I know. We said that we didn’t want to bog each other down doing the whole long distance thing.” He stood up, helping Mal to her feet. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Merry Christmas,” Mal offered with only a hint of a sarcastic smile.

“Yeah, merry. That’s exactly how I would describe this night.”

“Get home quickly. It’ll get better. You’ll see,” she called. And although he detected something underneath those words, Jay couldn’t quite figure it out.  

 

///

 

The walk home was better, he supposed.

Jay hated sitting still, even for short periods of time. And his muscles were shouting in protest after being frozen for all that time on the porch. The sleet fell sideways, glowing in the patches of light cast by the street lamps along the way, but now the he was physically moving again, he didn’t mind so much. And his apartment wasn’t far, so Jay would’ve gone so far as to say that he relished the walk.

_Maybe I should’ve stayed a little longer at the party_ , he thought, now that he wasn’t so sluggish. He could’ve at least thanked Evie and apologized for being such a mess. But then he remembered what Mal had said about Uma’s very-funny gift, and decided he didn’t need to open up a picture of Carlos de Fucking Vil tonight.

Climbing the stairs to his apartment building was an ambitious feat, something he only realized about halfway up when he nearly lost his balance. Maybe he’d had a bit more to drink than he’d thought. Luckily, he managed to make it the rest of the way up unharmed. At least physically.

As he started down the hallway on his floor, his phone buzzed. Glancing down, Jay saw it was from Evie.

 

**Heard you were finally heading out. Good choice :) Try and look up. Things will get better; I have a good feeling. Merry Christmas! Love you!**

 

Evie made it all sound so easy, and for a moment, he almost believed her. That things would get better. She had that effect on people.

_You and Carlos made the right choice_ , that voice protested.  _You both said that you were just gonna let the other one live a little. Go explore. Not be tied down. Is that so bad?_

Jay’s fingers were so cold that nearly fumbled his keys, but after a moment of uncertainty, he got them back under control. Pushing on the door that always got a little bit stuck, he stepped into the apartment. The place wasn’t large by any stretch of the imagination, but it could pretty easily house two people. Even if it was only home to one now.

The lights were already on, and he kicked himself inwardly. Electricity bills were high enough without paying to light an empty apartment. And now that he glanced around, he could see several things that, not too long ago, a certain freckled someone would’ve kicked his ass over. The living room lamps were on, the Christmas lights had been left lit, and he still had clothes all over the couch. Although, the kitchen looked a lot cleaner than he remembered leaving it (Jay was like ninety percent sure that he’d left last night’s takeout cartons on the counter), so apparently his sober self had been sporadic in his preparations to leave.

“Fuck,” Jay muttered under his breath. “My bill is gonna be through the roof.”

“Not really,” came a voice. “I only got in a half hour ago. I turned everything on. You know, darkness isn’t really my thing.”

The voice sent a sharp stab of something down to his very core. Sometimes his drunk brain hated him. “Oh really?” he asked the voice. “From where, huh?”

“The airport, idiot.”

Shrugging off his coat, Jay huffed. “Alright, drunk me. You feel like making this night worse? Got it.”

“If you’d just turn around,” the voice insisted. “I think you’d realize that it’s got nothing to do with alcohol.”

Standing in the hallway, leaning casually against the wall, was Carlos. Or something that looked like him anyway.

“I must’ve had way more than I thought.” Jay rubbed his forehead, blinking several times. “Maybe I should’ve taken a cab. All that walking and those stairs…”

“I’m not denying that you were drinking,” Carlos shrugged. “But I’m not a hallucination, dude.”

Suddenly, there was a pattering of claws on hardwood floor as a dog launched himself at Jay.

“Dude!” Carlos whistled. “You’re gonna knock him over. Come here, boy.”

“Wait…” Jay stared at Dude, who was now rushing back to Carlos’ side. “Oh my God…”

“Hi.” Carlos looked a little more apprehensive now, shifting from foot to foot.

“How… where did you come from….” The taller boy held his forehead, wishing he could get a grip. He still wasn’t entirely convinced that this wasn’t all a cruel dream.

“I still have my key.” Carlos gave him a little smile, but it was quickly replaced by a frown. “And - uh - maybe I shouldn’t have just let myself in - maybe that was wrong… I’m not sure….”

“You’re really here…” Jay felt his knees weaken a little. “This isn’t a dream?”

“No…” Carlos gave him a nervous glance-over. “Evie said that she didn’t know if you’d take this well. I can leave if you want. I know we haven’t spoken in… well, awhile…”

“Wait…” Jay’s mind raced to keep up with his words. “Evie? She knew?”

“Yeah.” Carlos looked down. “She actually helped me pay for the ticket. Money is tight. Even with the scholarship.”

Jay shook his head again, still trying to wrap her mind around it all. “So she knew? She brought you here? Why didn’t she tell me?”

“She didn’t know if you’d want to see me,” Carlos shrugged. “I mean… usually seeing your ex isn’t what you want for Christmas.”

The word “ex” cut into his heart like a knife. A new kind of dread started replacing his initial surprise. “Yeah, so, um… you seeing anyone new?” He tried to keep his voice level. Carlos had the right to see other guys. “Because… I am. Um, yeah, I totally am. So don’t worry about it.”

Carlos stared at him, an eyebrow raised. “Evie didn’t mention that. In fact, she - she told me that you hadn’t gone out since we…” His shoulders fell some. “Look, this was a mistake, I’m sorry, I didn’t know. I told her that you would’ve moved on. I’ll get out of your hair. I’m really sorry, Jay, I am.”

Cursing himself, Jay bit his lip so hard that it bled. Damn his fucking pride. Damn his stupid ego and everything that came with it. Why couldn’t he just look Carlos in the eye and tell him that he missed him? That he was really glad to see him? Finally, after a moment of throat clearing and coughing, he spoke up. “No, Carlos, stop.”

“Why?” The freckled boy continued to gather his stuff. “So I can hear all about your new love life? Jay, Evie didn’t tell me you’d started dating again. I dunno, I figured you were hadn’t like me - uh - and - I can’t stay here now.”

“She was right, ‘Los.” Jay ignored the dizzy feeling the words gave him, and pressed on. “Evie was right.”

Carlos paused for a moment, looking up. “Huh?”

“Evie.” Jay shook his head. “She was right. I’m not - seeing anyone.”

“You’re not?”

“No.” Running a hand through his hair, the taller boy sighed. “I’m not. Mal’s been hounding me about it, though. It’s been tough without you. Things aren’t the same, you know? Like tonight, Uma got everyone pictures of their exes for our gift exchange, and I’m still not used to describing you like that.”

Carlos studied him. “Was it at least a good picture of me?”

A tiny, sad smile threatened to emerge on Jay’s face. “Dunno. I didn’t stick around to open it. Mal insisted I go home  - wait, did she know, too?”

“Yeah.” Carlos looked a little sheepish now.

“The little bitch,” Jay realized. “She spent half an hour tonight trying to rile me up about you.”

“Surprise.” Carlos raised his arms half-heartedly. “So… you don’t want me to go?”

Inhaling deeply, Jay forced himself to ignore his pride and ego and everything else that would just lead to another huge night of regret. “No. I - I would like you to stay. Here.”

“Mmm, don’t hurt yourself.” Carlos glanced up at him. “You don’t have to say yes.”

“I want to, though.” Jay took a moment to probe the metallic cut inside his mouth from earlier. “Like I said… things aren’t the same without you.”

“Okay.” Carlos let out his breath, relaxing some. “Good. I’d feel badly if I made tonight worse.”

“If anything, you made it better,” Jay promised, sitting down on the couch. “Come sit down for at least a little bit. I want to hear everything that’s been missing from those texts you never send me.”

“Yeah… sorry about that,” his ex-boyfriend sighed. “I just never knew what to say to you. Everything I wanted to say would’ve gone back on our deal of giving the other space.”

“And here I was thinking you just forgot about me.” Jay pushed some of his clothes from the couch cushions to the floor. “Sorry the place is such a mess. I would’ve cleaned up if I’d known you were coming home - back. If I’d known you were coming back.”

“It’s okay.” Carlos pointed to the takeout cartons on the counter. “I may have finished off the Chinese takeout you left on the counter. Sorry about that. But I also cleaned up the kitchen, so, maybe that makes up for it.”

“You’ve been here about five minutes, de Vil,” Jay said with a shake of his head. “You didn’t need to clean up.”

“It was giving me anxiety.” Carlos folded his arms. “You’re still a slob, you know.”

“Maybe I’ve forgotten,” Jay joked a little. “How can I remember that if you’re not around to remind me?” The comment came out a little sadder than he had hoped. He definitely didn’t want Carlos to think that he was anything other than happy these days. “So, how’s school?”

“Great.” The other boy gave him a thin smile. “Really great. I mean, I like all my classes and everyone is really focused and driven.”

“Like you?”

Carlos shrugged, laughing softly. “I dunno, there are some really smart people, Jay. Like so smart. It would blow your mind what they’d all accomplished. This one kid in my hall created a software system that’s standard now for most professional computers.”

“And you can hack into that software with like ten clicks,” Jay pointed out. “He’s not so cool.”

A faint pink spread across Carlos’ freckled-splashed cheeks. “I like that you can do that.”

“Do what?” Jay had no idea what he meant, but he did know that he liked making Carlos’ blush. It was something he’d missed most.

“Make me feel special,” the other boy laughed. “Sometimes… it’s hard to feel special at that school.”

“Bullshit.” The older boy gave him a gentle shove. “You’re way cooler than any of the kids there. Hands down. And I bet their eyeliner isn’t half as straight as yours.”

“Maybe.” Carlos shook his head. “Tell me about your classes here. How are the girls? Is it nice to still go to the same school?”

“Yeah.” Jay didn’t add that it would be better if their threesome were a foursome on campus, but he probably didn’t need to. Carlos could usually understand what he meant. “I mean, Evie’s got orders coming in left and right. Mal’s doing her whole art gig, and I guess that’s great, especially when you have a successful business woman as a girlfriend. We’re all just, you know, living life.”

“You didn’t tell me about you,” pushed the freckled boy. “How are you doing? How’s tourney? It sucked that you guys lost last week, but you lead the team in goals, don’t you?”

Carlos was spot on with the stats, but the fact that he knew them at all surprised Jay. “Wait, how did you know all that?”

“Oh, um, people talk. I guess.”

Jay raised an eyebrow. “About an average university all the way across the country?”

“Not buying it?” Carlos shook his head. “Uh, I may have caught some of the games on TV. And looked up the stats. And followed your team’s Twitter. Does that count as stalking? I just wanted to see how you guys were doing.”

The taller boy hoped his surprise (and delight) didn’t show. “Oh, yeah, that’s cool. Really. Understandable. Totally.”

“It’s really weird,” laughed Carlos softly. “Sorry.”

“No, no,” insisted Jay. “I’m glad you’re still keeping up with the stuff around here.”

“Well…” the other boy shifted some. “I didn’t really care about the other players. Mostly just… you.”

Now Jay knew that his surprise showed. He hadn’t expected such an bold (or emotional) statement from Carlos. “Oh. Um… that’s cool.”

Carlos blushed again, but this time, he looked a more embarrassed. Maybe even humiliated. Clearly that hadn’t been the reaction he’d been hoping for. Once again, Jay had to kick himself.

_Let those walls down_ , he heard a voice say. This time, the voice sounded a lot like Evie, strangely enough.  _Jay, you spend so much time hiding yourself and your feelings. It’s okay to tell him how you feel._

But Jay didn’t do feelings or emotions, much less talking about feelings and emotions. Mal understood. She hated sappy shit, too. But this was Carlos. If he didn’t say something soon, it might really be too late. Even now, the freckled boy was drawing back, distancing himself, putting his own armor back on.

“Hey, um, Pup?”

“Yes?” Carlos perked up a little at the nickname, but he still didn’t smile.

Jay scratched the back of his neck, sighing. “Uh… I, look, when I said… that things were tough here. I meant it. I’m… not doing too hot.”

“Really?” Carlos tilted his head slightly. “Jay, you don’t have to -”

“No!” It came out kind of loud. “I mean… no. Don’t try and apologize or let me duck out of this. Because I really sort of miss you, and I’m really glad to see you, and I don’t want you to think anything else.” He let out a breathe, that dizzy feeling coming back.

“You miss me?” The smaller boy’s voice definitely sounded hopeful.

“Just like every fucking second of my day.” Jay cracked his knuckles nervously. “I mean, I wanted to be alright, ‘Los, I did. I really tried to go out with other people.”

“How many dates?”

“Well, strictly speaking… none.”

“Wow, you really did try.” Carlos gave him a soft punch to the shoulder.

“Shut up.” Jay felt some of the tension in his chest dislodge. This was Carlos. The same Carlos who sat in the bathroom on the cold tile with Jay after one of them had a mental breakdown. The same Carlos who helped him get his first A. The same Carlos who slapped him on the ass when he changed, or set his alarm twenty minutes later to let Jay sleep after big games.

“So…” Carlos fidgeting with his hands. “This whole breaking up for the better thing hasn’t really gone the way either of us planned, huh?”

“You could say that.”

“So… what now?” Carlos looked around the messy apartment.

“Why did you come home?” The question came out of the blue, and Jay was powerless to stop it from reaching his tongue. “Uh, I mean, back? Why did you come back? I mean… you could’ve said no. Easily. It wasn’t a stretch or -”

“I came home because I wanted to see you.” His ex-boyfriend stared right at him. “Maybe I did wanna sus out how you’d been and… if we’d made a mistake.”

“Mistake.” Jay heard himself echo the word, and felt himself leaning closer. “Yeah, mistake.”

“Maybe…” Carlos said softly. “Maybe we should reevaluate? I think -” but he was cut off by Jay’s lips before he had a chance to finish. Not that he needed to. Jay understood.

He understood completely.

And later that night, when they threw a blanket over themselves and the (sufficiently tousled couch cushions), when Jay had his face pressed into Carlos’ familiar curls, drinking in their familiar smell and feel, the latter started to laugh.

“God, I missed you.”

“Merry Christmas, de Vil.”

“Would you use the word merry?” Carlos jabbed him a little. “I might use a  _different_  word to describe what just hap -”

“Shut up. Don’t ruin it.” Jay’s eyes drifted shut, but before he gave into sleep, he had to say one last thing. “Hey, ‘Los?”

“Yeah?”

“When you go back to school…” Jay paused, wondering why the words didn’t seem to want to come.

“I’ll be wearing my boyfriend’s jersey,” Carlos mumbled, sounding sleepy, happy, sated.

“Boyfriend?”

“Boyfriend.”

 


End file.
